GRACE ANCHORED JOURNEY

Last year, I had planned to go home twice. I even planned that year with my family and friends. But those plans became rubbish as this pandemic controlled and altered almost everything. I was saddened because I was not able to attend the wedding of my friends and the saddest part, the wedding of my beloved sister. I was not there when my family celebrated special events and holidays. My first raw of emotion was frustration. I kept telling myself that I should have been there. I should have been the maid of honour of my sister.  We planned for all those things to end up being out of the picture. Then I heard my student said, “Ma’am may I score?” And I realized that life must go on even though many things are becoming different. I am now in the mission field. I felt that I was not part of their lives any more. Because two years ago, I have committed my life to the Lord. Despite my longing to go home and my unstable emotions, life must go on. My friends and sister got married. My family had to celebrate all those special events without me. So, life must go on no matter how I feel.

For these couple of months, I made myself busy with work and ministry. Though I had that heavy and a disappointed heart, God was constantly showing the cause and cost of my commitment. A lot of things had happened since then. Yet God is still faithful to sustain His daughter until now. Days and months just passed by so quickly. We will count a few months, and this year will again fall off giving way to a new year.

What I have been learning so far?

That God’s Way is Perfect and Best  

Part of me has learned to trust God in uncertainties and impossibilities. See? I had planned my year but God frustrated those plans so I could learn to trust Him with my future. He has better plans. He has better ways. And those are perfect and best.

Another part of me has learned that God makes no mistakes. When we go through a rough path and things suddenly fall apart, we thought that maybe this is not His plan and will. Sometimes I wonder, “Is this really where God wants me to be?” “Is this what I should be doing?” Though I don’t completely understand what He does, trust is always a magnet that keeps me still to where I am. The times where these thoughts suddenly arise without warning, He reminds me of this verse (in Proverbs 3:5) that I always cling on whenever I am confused, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”  Even if I don’t understand, I need to trust God because my understanding is limited. My mind is finite and He is infinite.

I also start to see the bigger picture of the ministry and God’s calling in my life. God led me to this beautiful truth from Psalm 18:30 “As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.” His way is perfect. I should not doubt. His Word is tried, enough for me to trust His unfailing promises. And His Word will be my guide and protection during those moments of sudden loneliness and eagerness to come home. But even after realizing these things, I am still in the process of learning to surrender my all to the Lord. I have surrendered some but I know now, it is not yet my all. Surrender is what God tells me to master. Surrender all my plans. My desires. My wants. My way of serving Him. Because He wants me to follow His way (and not my way). For the past years, God has been faithful in showing me why I need to trust Him more and more. As what my life verse for the last years in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end,” He is asking me to put my trust in Him even though I don’t see His promises being fulfilled. It is like the situation of Israel when God said this that He would visit them after 70 years and fulfill His promise. Seventy years is such a long time. Yet more than the time frame is the truth that no matter what happens during that span of time, God is in control. And He would fulfill His promise to come back.

Thinking about these things brings comfort in me. Though sometimes, my heart still hopes that one day, I would be flying back home, as for now, the greater cause is to fulfill the mission of the Lord – to reach out those lost souls. I have big dreams and big plans. But as I walk daily by His grace, I have been learning to let go of those one by one. Until one day, I know God will help me surrender all of those. And as I walk, He slowly reveals His great plan for me. On the other hand, I must learn to cling on to His sweet promise and hold on tightly to the fact that “He will never leave nor forsake me,” (Hebrew2 13:5).  I may no longer be a part of their everyday lives, but I am always be a part of God. Trusting that He is with me as I walk each step of the way.

As I end this musing of mine, I would like to share this song that my heart sings for days as I ponder on the perfectness of His plans for us.

His Way is Perfect

When my way seems dark and drear and the future I don’t know,
My heart feels so empty as the tears unending flow.
When my heart breaks with sorrow and a tempest fills my soul,
This one thing I know for sure: my God is in control.

His way is perfect, His way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes, His way is best.

When the toils of life are come and my heart is worn with care,
I faint ‘neath the burden of a cross I cannot bear.
When the joy has departed from my sorrow stricken soul,
This one thing I know for sure: my God is in control.

His way is perfect, His way is perfect.
Though I don’t understand His wise and loving plan,
His way is perfect. His way is perfect.
Take my life and make a vessel purified.
God makes no mistakes; His way is best.

Ann Marie