GRACE ANCHORED JOURNEY

Beautiful surrender.

A puzzle that I kept in my heart for many years as I have not fully grasped its gravity.

I have heard the word surrender countless times. I have seen and watched criminals surrender to the authority as a way of breaking their walls. Finally, after being imprisoned by guilt and shame, they had chosen to break free. The discomfort of facing their sentence would just a few steps away, but they opted to end their unseen battle inside.

History tells a never-ending tale of surrender. Soldiers fought hard. They were crushed. They were wounded. Nevertheless, not all came out victorious. Many chose to surrender. They admitted that they needed to bend down to a more powerful and able entity. It meant losing the battle. It meant giving up. Maybe there was no strength to persevere any more. Maybe it was better to surrender than to die. Maybe soldiers thought that surrender might not be the best option, but it was the greatest decision for peace and rest.

Surrender. A word that I have learned at a young age but have never understood its meaning. Surrender is such an ugly word that correlates with defeat. It’s a sign of weakness.

Beautiful Surrender in Christ

I could not fathom the idea that one day, I would experience the beauty of surrender. I had avoided this for so long. Though I’ve been a Christian for quite some time, my heart was not fully surrendered to the Lord until that fateful day of being diagnosed with having tumours in my thyroid. I thought that was the end. I thought that the only option that I had was to give up. To accept that I would come out as a loser.

However, God constantly reminding me of how precious I am as His child. This seemingly colossal failure in my life has a purpose in the Lord. Unlike those defeated soldiers and surrendered criminals, my prognosis was not a defeat. It was a blessing in disguise. I was called by God not to fight my battles alone but to find peace and rest in Him.

Author and speaker Rachel Craddock wrote something that struck my heart and mind about surrender:

“Sometimes on this side of heaven, faithful people face seasons of beautiful surrenders. In the surrendering, God grows His people into maturity.”

I could not relate more. On this side of heaven, I chose to break down my walls and finally came to the point of surrender. Nonetheless, I don’t feel defeated nor weak but peaceful and alive.

I love the idea that in surrendering, God will grow His people into maturity. I have to confess that I became mature in my worldly perspective but not in my Christian life.

We often hear that God is not concerned with whatever we have and whatever we achieved in life. He is after our maturity. He is after our character.

A Beautiful Surrender in Molding My Character

As I walk along this healing journey, each rough road and sharp stone I meet along the way illustrates an ugly character that God asks me to surrender.

When I first learned about my condition, it was emotionally, physically, and spiritually painful. I became lost in the vastness of uncertainties and unknowns of life. It was so hard to get up every morning with joy and gratitude. I became helpless. I felt useless. Yet God kept showing me how I needed to get up with hope and faith. He has not given up on me. This event in my life might have rocked my boat, but like what I have said, it helped mold my character.

God made me see how proud, self-sufficient, and temporal my perspectives were. This moment made me cry out to Him, “Lord, help me.”

Like the Psalmist, I could proudly say that, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.”

My sickness caused me to humble myself before Him. My physical body could not do anything anymore but I could surrender it to Him for healing and restoration. I could not be self-sufficient any longer. I need His strength and grace to get through the day. And it is encouraging to know that I am not a burden to Him. When Paul pleaded for healing, He said to him, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness,” (2 Corinthians 12:8). Like Paul, I might not receive His physical healing but His promise of grace and mercy is more than what I have always wanted and prayed for. My infirmity will be used for His glory.

I used to hate explaining to people why I need to eat healthy. I felt incompetent whenever my colleagues would ask me to join the workforce again but could not. How could I explain to them that I won’t work again? I feared that they would see me as just merely sickness more than being a human. I did not like them to pity me. I still wanted them to remember me as a strong woman with so much potential. Because of this, I became so insecure. With an aching heart, I cried. I cried more. That was years ago. Thank God because He comforted me.

No matter what people say, God is with me. I will not fear. I remember praying to God, “God, if my situation will bring glory to you, I am willing to surrender and be used by you.”

I believe that God has completely healed me emotionally and spiritually. Now, I can say that my heart has an undivided attention for Him. Looking back, I see that as I train myself to surrender, there are so many blessings along the way. I am becoming vibrant again and my dying world suddenly made alive and meaningful.

A Beautiful Surrender to an Eternal Purpose

As I let go of the things of the world that I held on tightly for so long, He slowly unveils my eternal purpose. I keep on pushing myself to be “somebody” in the world. However, the world left me broken, discouraged, and bitter. Yes, I could not turn back time, but I can still redeem it now.

It’s been more than a year since I decided to use my remaining time serving Him in the mission field. And never that I have any single regret.

The mission field is not a bed of roses but thorns. Thorn of inconvenience. Thorn of character molding. Thorn of self-sacrifice. Thorn of imperfections. Yet at the end of the day, there’s an unexplainable joy and gratitude that I have not experienced outside the ministry.

Indeed, James is right when he said that our life is like a vapor that appears for a little while then vanishes away (James 4:14). We only have limited time. We only have one life. We could not afford to let it end without a meaning.

As we focus on our eternal purpose, we start to let go of our earthly cravings and desires. We begin to renew our minds to align it with our eternal perspective.

When we finally understand that we are just passers-by here on Earth, we won’t grieve for the wasting of our bodies. We won’t mourn for the loss of our earthly possessions and achievements. We won’t squander our time running around the race that is not set before us. We won’t go crazy running after the fake promises of the world. Instead, we will be content in everything. We will be passionate to exhaust our energy for the Lord. We will be busy thinking about how we can serve more. As we focus on Him and His kingdom, we will slowly forget ourselves – our plans and dreams. Dying to ourselves becomes easier because we are already awakened to the reality of Heaven – the place we look forward to.

These things that I have written are all part of my journey. Now I am convinced that God has set me apart for a greater purpose. Not in this world but far better than that. I am still thriving because I finally surrendered my life to the Living Water and the Bread of Life. He is the true source of all things.

A beautiful surrender is letting go of us and holding on to Him. It’s the perfect surrender to find rest amidst troubles. Comfort amidst trials and sufferings. Peace amidst chaos.

Our Christian life must be characterized by sweet surrender. As we press on, we see God’s hands working on every situation. We will be more exposed to His attributes and character. The more we walk away from the world, the more we see His wonderful works. The more we surrender our will, the more we see His blessings.

Surrendering our all to Him is not easy, yet it is necessary if we want to walk closely with Him. How beautiful it will be when we finally see Him face to face. In the meantime, we shine for Him in this darkening world.

Beautiful surrender is no longer a puzzle to me but a wonderful reality.