GRACE ANCHORED JOURNEY

I could not be more grateful for another year that God has added in my life. For me, there is nothing special about birthdays. When I was younger, I perceived birthdays as something that reminds people that they are getting older (which I do not like). Though of course, I am glad whenever family members, friends, and colleagues celebrate their special days.

Today marks the day that I was born. Time quickly passed by. I am now in my thirty-ish. I know it is just a short period of time compared to people who have had birthdays for many, many years. Nonetheless, I feel so joyful because today makes me think of God’s faithfulness in my life. For the past two years (almost), I have had many challenges. I feel that my health is slowly going down the slope. With those almost two years of feeling that I am walking in the wilderness of pain and brokenness, I have had a lot reflections about life which I will be sharing with you.

In the year 2017, I was diagnosed with thyroid lumps. I felt that my world suddenly stopped. I was young back then. I thought my life was slowly becoming perfect as my dreams slowly coming to pass. I even planned my coming years. In my heart, I told God I could not ask for more. But that news left me heartbroken and discouraged. I had cried for weeks. Nights became a nightmare for me as I would stay awake until wee hours. “Lord, what now?” That was my constant question.

Being strong as I am, I became determined to get up and move on. I did not have any choice, anyway. That started my deep journey with God. Every morning that I wake up is such a blessing that I must be grateful about. For me, being able to wake up is all that matter the whole day. Other good or unfortunate happenings are just minors. Through God’s Word, I began to build a different life in Him. Yes, I have been a Christian for quite sometime but I felt like I was deprived of the true meaning of my relationship and fellowship with Him. I had been very busy building my life – my personal development, my career, and my dreams that I had forgotten His Kingdom. Don’t get me wrong. I did not go astray from church. I was still active in the ministry and did not falter attending services. But God knew my heart. It beats for the world and not for Him. I was just going through the motion.

So what have I learned all these years? I have learned that life is really short. It is short that we could not afford to squander it with the world. James clearly reminds us that “life is just like a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away” (4:14). What if I only have a year to live? Or two? Or three? I understood well that life is not about the quantity (how many years) but quality. We can live for a thousand years wandering without a purpose which makes life a burden instead of joy. How tragic would that be? It’s a constant repetition of yesterday’s mundane moments. Walking vibrantly on the face of the earth but it’s without meaning.

Life thought me that you cannot love life (itself) so much that you start building your own empire out of it. For the time that you love it so much, it might be taken away from you by the Giver of it. Care for your life but do not hold it dearly as if it is yours and will last forever. Count every moment as if it is your last so when it is time to give it back, you are always ready. This paradox of life is best describe in Matthew 16:25 “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” In order to gain life, one must be willing to give it up first.

What makes it quality then? I have asked that a hundred times in the past. The book of Ecclesiastes gives us the picture of life’s reality. Solomon, in his wisdom shared to us the vanity of life. Never ending turmoil because of our own desires to be rich, powerful, famous, and successful in the world. Having acquired all of those, he learned that the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep His commandments (12:13).  We become alive when we start to know and fear God. And in this borrowed life, we have the chance to live with quality if we fear God and obey His commandments. We can live a life with the right purpose.

How does it impact me personally?

While in the wilderness, many things dawned on me. Few of them are :

Take things slowly. One day at a time.This is what I remind myself everyday. For more than a decade, my perspective looked like I owned the world. . . and I owned my life. It was just recently that I learned how to be still and take things slowly. As we get older, we become more aware of the reality of life. As years quickly fall off, we realize that peace and serenity are more important than worldly pursuits. Enjoyment of life becomes more important than working to die. Quality time with loved ones and friends is better than spending lavishly with acquaintances and office colleagues, redeeming the time because the days are evil (Ephesians 5:16).

Love people as much as you can. It is hard to have burdens of hating people. Instead of hate, love them as much as you can.  I remember 1 Corinthians 13 which is the love chapter. “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of this is charity (love). We do not hold our lives. We may be alive today but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Love is an action word – a statement that we labelled as cliche. Despite that, I had not really learned its deeper meaning until I was challenged to race it with time.

Whenever I look up, I am reminded how God showed us the perfect example of love. He told us that He loved us. Yet, He did not stop with words. He sent His son (action) for us.

God is so gracious that He gives me a chance to redeem time and show how I need to love more each day. Every moment matters.

Forgive people as much as you can. When I was on the process of accepting the new journey where God puts me, I became aware of how I should not just be focusing on my physical health but even spiritual and emotional. I did not want any room of unforgiveness in my life. It is like a heavy load to carry. It is exhausting. I purposed in my heart to never leave any room of anger or bitterness or resentment towards people. I thank God because even though it was hard, He enabled me. There was that overwhelming peace when I purposed in my heart to be at peace with everyone. Such a wonderful experience that I want to keep doing. Forgive. Forgive. Tomorrow might not be ours anymore.

Be exhausted in the work of God. What can be more fulfilling than to be used by God in any possible way? When I was working, I put my full efforts doing all the work that I could. When I resigned from work, everything was forgotten. I exhausted my energy and strength working for something that won’t last. Now, I determined to be consumed for His glory. In due time, I will see that everything is not in vain in Him.

Be more kind. I am not kind – I know that. They always say that I am too objective that sometimes, I tend to act and decide based on facts and truth with little to no emotion. I hate that by the way. I realized that being kind is far better. Most of the time, people will remember you not because of how smart or talented you are but how kind you are to them. Not really being unflawed though. I am not saying that I am perfectly kind now. I am on the process of dying to myself daily so I can show my love and kindness to people.

After all, it’s worth it.

If only I could write all those learning that I had, I would. Perhaps make a book to share all the wondrous things that God has let me experience. Today is my birthday and it is special because I am able to recollect God’s faithfulness.

In conclusion, what’s imprinted in my mind, heart, and soul is that God has been good in my life.