GRACE ANCHORED JOURNEY

I never thought that I would be placed in a situation where all I could do is to hope for God’s mercy.

Months ago, I was diagnosed to have this life-threatening illness. Back then, I was so vibrant. I was full of dreams that I knew would be possible for me to achieve. It was like I was so high and full of myself.

Then, that day came when I was holding my medical result and all I could do was cry. I asked the Lord, “Will I die? How long will I have more to live?”

It took me days to finally process that news. It was a life changing moment that after that day, my life would never be the same again.

Although, blaming God was never in my mind, the thought of it scared me at first. I did not know what would be in the future. I was used to calculating my life logically. But this time, it is different. I don’t see anything in front of me. It brought me about thinking of my upcoming medication and how I could meet all those financial demands of this expensive medication, my family’s provision, and all my dreams that I knew would not be fulfilled anymore.

My heart started to faint, and my strength began to fade. I still have faith in God, but I told myself, I need to understand these things that were happening to me now. All I could see was that things don’t make sense at all.

A New Perspective

I have never thought about death deeply and seriously until that day that I have learned my health condition. I viewed life as if its my own and I thought that I was invincible.

I often hear people say, “When God does not make sense. . . “But I believe that the Lord always makes sense and that it is my situation that does not make sense as far as my humanly understanding. It never came across my mind to get angry at Him. I knew that He never commits mistakes. And, I strongly believed in my heart that if the Lord has still purpose in my life, for whatever means, He will heal my failing body. I believe that miracles still do happen, the same way as how the Lord possibly made the blind man see (John 9:1-9), the perfect timing of raising Lazarus from death (John 11), and His purpose accomplished by healing a woman who was bleeding for twelve years (Luke 8:44-48). There is no question or doubt that the Lord can heal me, too for His glory.

I would never look at life the same way again. James is right in saying that “life is like a vapor that appears for a little time, then vanishes away.” We can never be assured of tomorrow. My life will never be secured in this world. My health will fail, my finances will run out, but the security of my salvation will be secured in Him forever. That’s all that matters.

How Did God Make Sense Out of These?

Since that day, my life has been full of self-reflection. You know, if you are put in this similar situation, pondering about life is much deeper and meaningful.

I never understood the Lord on that day. But as I am walking by faith in Him since then, every day seems like a revelation day.  All those tears, painful memories, and hurtful thoughts are starting to make sense in Him. Now, I have come to terms that the Lord wants me to serve Him with simplicity of life.

A Season of Testing

• My faith is tested during these times. It is easy to have faith when things are easy. It is easy to have faith when we are the ones encouraging those who are in need and in pain to have faith in God. But it is different now that I am the one that needs to walk on the things I have preached. But even my faith, the Lord is still the one sustaining it. He is indeed the author and finisher of our faith (Hebrews 12:2).
• My patience is being molded as I am learning to wait on the Lord. Though, I have been a Christian for quite some time, I am still struggling with waiting on the Lord. I am used to “instants.” But as I discover the Lord’s character, the more I yearn for this attitude to be molded. It does not matter if I have to wait for years to be healed or even not, because what matters most is my heart to the Lord.
• For me to see that I can have contentment in whatever situation I have. The Lord never fails to prove His unfailing provision – meeting all my needs (sometimes even wants). Every day that I wake up is already a reminder of God’s faithfulness in my life. I could not ask for more. But if I have food and clothing, I will be content (1 Timothy 6:8).
• That the joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10) as I journey with this season that He has entrusted on me. No complaints, no ungratefulness, and no regrets.
• My peace will not depend on my situation, but on God alone as He said in the Scripture that the peace of the Lord transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

I find it weird but experiencing this difficult season of my life is a blessing. I could never see God the way I see Him now, if it is not because of this. I could never learn to appreciate the beauty of life serving Him if I am well, healthy, and chasing after the pleasures of the world.

Now I know that the Lord gives insensible things to us, so we could learn to make sense of them. It is not that He does not make sense, cause He was, is, and always be in His sense. Instead, He lets it that way, so we would learn that He is a God who cares and loves insensible people as we are.