In a world where low-grade romance is dominating our everyday lives – how can we be committed to keep ourselves pure toward romance? As we look around, there are always temptations that await us to just compromise ourselves in a God-dishonoring relationship. Although, you might say that you are already a Christian, it still does not exclude you from this everyday battle to guard your heart. When the Lord saved you and me, our all belongs to Him and that includes our heart and body. Thus, we might glorify the Lord even in the area of romance. “I don’t think the Lord will be so much concerned with my love life. I can handle it anyway.” A young girl once told me when we were talking about relationship with the opposite sex. Well, you’re mistaken. He is concerned even with your love life. I believe that He is not that kill joy. In fact, He has the ability to create a very unique love story for each one of us if we only learn to wait for His perfect timing. Sad thing is that, women and even men tend to go ahead of God in this area and waiting seems to be the most drudging thing to do.
Our hearts are precious before the Lord. That is why He reminded us in Proverbs 4:23 to guard our hearts above all else, for it is where the issues of life come from. I do understand that women are created to be emotional, but it does not excuse a Christian woman to act as how the women of the world are. When I say guarding our heart, it does not mean that you and I will not talk to men anymore. It’s simply keeping an eye on our actions and thoughts that might lead to something that will dishonor the Lord.
A few years back, like most of you, I did not know that I needed to guard my heart. My mantra when it comes to romance was just to (only) keep myself pure physically. All along, I thought that the Lord was just after my physical purity. But I was wrong. He was also concerned with the purity of my thoughts and actions, the same way as my physical aspect when dealing with men. My mind was built around the idea that dating was just fine as long as I won’t step outside my set boundary. But then, I realized that having this kind of perspective did not do me any good. I still ended up getting hurt and hurting others. At this point, I came to realize that I was not really pure before the eyes of the Lord. My thoughts and actions were not honoring and glorifying Him in any way. Because of this, I decided to just put a wall and a bridge every time I was with men, even with my brothers in Christ. I told myself that “Okay, this time, no more such interactions with men for safety reasons. Maybe this is what the Lord wants.” I went to the far end of the pole as I thought this would solve my problem. But then again, this did not give me the best outcome.
Later on, the Lord showed me how to really be a woman who can be set apart from the rest. He gave me wisdom to understand what it meant to be a woman who loved the Lord. That was the time when I asked the Lord to search my heart and help me in becoming His precious daughter. Through the Scriptures, He has showed me the proper way of dealing with men, especially with our dear brothers in Christ. These convictions were the ones that the Lord has impressed on me as I surrendered my heart to Him and let Him write my unique love story (soon).
Treat Christian Men as Your Brothers
Like you, Christian men are also sons of the Lord. I am directly pointing out men who are Christians who could possibly be our future soul partners. We all know that the bible opposed being unequally yoked with unbelievers (read 2 Corinthians 6:14).
When we meet with them, our first motive should be to minister to them in a godly manner as we are heavenly siblings. I noticed that there are Christian women whose way of thinking when they meet men is the possibility of relationship. While this is not a deliberate sin in nature, it is not as what the Lord intends to be. Before we enter into a relationship with them romantically, we are first brothers and sisters in Christ. Like our own blood, we are to show brotherly love towards them as what the bible says in John 13:34 and 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10.
Be Wary of Your Actions
What does it mean to be cautious with your actions? Does it mean to say that we are not to talk to them or fellowship with them? Definitely not. This only means that we need to think twice or thrice when we say something, crack a joke on little conversations with them, and even our gestures whenever we are with them. Let us not be like the fools who are careless and use their mouth to utter foolishness (Proverbs 15:2).
“Purity is the gatekeeper for everything precious and blissful in God’s kingdom.” – Eric Ludy
Set Healthy Boundaries
When I decided to honor the Lord in this area of my life, I began to assess how I could deal with my brothers in such a way that honors and glorifies the Lord. So, I have listed some boundaries and limits that would remind me where I should stand. Here are a few things that you can (might) relate to or probably agree with:
- Not to be alone (not to go out) with a man without any purpose in the ministry – I can be with a man alone, provided that the reason is about ministry or an authority asks us to do something together
- No physical touch like hugging or greeting in a form of a kiss – our duty is to protect them against any lustful desire
- Be nice and sincere but not too much concern and sweetness – remember that as a sister in Christ, it is also our responsibility to minister to them in a pure and sister-ly manner
- Treat each of them the same regardless of the level of friendship
- Be a friend to them, but not in an intimate way like what I can do with women – never pour out your heart to them
Reminding myself with such boundaries will give me the assurance that I am acting like a sister whenever they are around. I liked what Proverbs 22:3 stated, “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.” The bible encourages everyone to be prudent, so we can hide and prevent ourselves from getting hurt and likewise, we can avoid hurting others.
Don’t Initiate and Assume
We often hear from older people that men should initiate and we, women are to respond. And, this is indeed true in the Christian journey of romance. Songs of Solomon mentioned to not awaken love until it pleases (read Songs of Solomon 8:4). Unless, a man would tell you that he is praying for you to be his wife, then do not formulate anything in your mind. This might just affect your relationship with him along the way. If you think that a man likes you, do not immediately rush into liking that man, too.
It is not healthy to rush in romance. At the end of the day, it maybe that one of you will be hurt or worst part is that both of you will get hurt, especially when an emotional investment is involved.
Don’t be confused with purity and legalism. Legalism is the state where you have your own set of rules and regulations to follow, but your heart tells you otherwise. It is like your mouth is saying “no to this” but your heart says “yes” and it rejoices. Purity is the state of Christlikeness and that you believe in your heart that these convictions will bring so much joy to our Father and thus, it gives us true peace, security, and overflowing happiness as we walk with Him and desire to please Him in this area of our life.
I like to end this note with a quote from Amy Carmichael which is often a great reminder for me to really anchor my life in the Lord,
“Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is.”
Let us be still in the presence of God – the redeemer of our soul!
Leave a comment