When we lost our brother a long time ago, I did not know much about grieving. I was too young. All I remember was the pain and loneliness without him. I do not recall how I grieved, except that for many years, I cried whenever I thought of him. Now, the pain is gone. The memories are blurry, too.
Six months ago, our mother died. I couldn’t process what I felt during the early days of my mourning. I felt a deep sadness, yet I was calm. I did not know that grieving sometimes takes time to process. Things started to sink in a few weeks after.
The weeks that followed are a total denial and a mix of sadness, guilt, and grief. I go through them with either one emotion or a combination at a time. It is exhausting.
Grieving is a complicated journey. While going through it, I took note of things that might be helpful to someone going through the same path.
5 Things That Help Me While Grieving
1. Take your time to heal. You don’t have to force yourself to heal. Yes, healing will take place, but it’s in the right time and in God’s time. You lost someone you love. And that love caused you to grieve. The deeper the love, the harder and longer the grieving is. Sometimes, people who tell you to move on and stop thinking about that person, though well-meaning and well-intentioned because they want us to be okay, are not helping. Instead, they are trying to turn the wound into a scar as soon as possible. But forcing a wound to heal untimely will result in a deeper scar and probably expose it to longer healing. Take your time to heal. No rush.
2. Care for yourself. Grieving can affect one’s health. It is exhausting. Please remember to take care of yourself. Eat healthy food. Sleep whenever you can. There are times when sleep may escape us, so whenever you can, sleep more. Exercise can help, too. Make time to do your daily devotion and meditation.
3. Have someone talk to. No one understands us better than someone who has gone through grieving. Find a group or person you can talk to about how you feel. A trusted friend who is willing to listen is good. Your husband can be your absorber during these times.
4. Don’t suppress your emotions. Sometimes people will tell you to move on. Not because they are selfish or bad, but they want us to feel better. As a result of that pressure, we suppress our emotions and do not let them be known to others. We avoid crying with people around. We tell them we’re okay even though we’re not. This is an unhealthy way to grieve. The proper way to grieve is to acknowledge your emotions. You are sometimes sad, sorrowful, and longing, deep pain and regret, name it. Suppressing your feelings can make your healing impossible.
5. Back to reality and be here. Do not suppress your emotions, but remember to go back to reality and be here. It’s not healthy to wallow with those emotions because we still have our reality. We still have our family and friends. If we do not consider these things, we will be lost in our grieving.
I hope in your grief, you find comfort in the presence of God. It’s not an easy thing, but as the day passes by, we will learn to live our day without them.
“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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