Grief changes everything. Part of me celebrates life’s wins, but another part silently cries. As the new year approaches, I struggle to feel joy. I’m thankful to God for His blessings, but the pain inside still feels fresh. Whenever I think of Holidays, I can’t help but cry. It should have been the best season with the family gathering together. Mom was gone. And holidays will never be the same again.
Nothing prepares you for the kind of loss that touches every part of your life, even your daily routine. Like many who lose a loved one, I find it hard to get through each day. I pray for God’s help. I work from home, while my husband works at the office, so I am often alone. Without meetings or company, silence fills the room. I keep working, but thoughts of Mom linger. I wonder how life would be if she were still here.
I find comfort in knowing that my mother is in Heaven with Jesus. She must be very happy. In my mourning, I look forward to that day when I will see her again. But for now, I have to get used to mourning in silence.
Truly, grief teaches us many things we don’t know exist.
It teaches us to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and accept that we are not perfect.
It gives us the realization that we function by God’s grace at all times, even in this season of loss.
It reminds us that we cannot live alone. We are emotionally connected to people, and the deeper the love we have for them, the more grief we carry when we lose them. More so, with our mothers who brought us into this world.
Faith comes in when we choose to cling to God’s promises rather than wallow in the mud of loneliness and sorrow.
Faith is recognizing the painful acceptance of losing a loved one, and yet there is the other side where you see each other again when the right time comes. Because God promised it.
This is the hope that I carry even in the moment of long silence.
“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalm 42:11
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