The day your mom dies is the day that you become a different person. A daughter or a son without a mother, so to speak. It feels like a part of you has died with her. As the days pass by, you will realize that there are questions lingering around as you live with grief and pain. You start to question how you were with her when she was alive, your last days with her, all the days that you were away from her. Sadly, no matter how we want answers to all, those cannot be found anymore. You start to shift your focus to God’s comfort as your strength facing this season in life.
The most uncomfortable side of grieving is that it won’t go away. There are days when you feel like it’s gone, and so you think that you are already back to normal. Yet, there are moments when it comes, and you see yourself crying in the middle of nowhere. The sting of pain in grieving is unexplainable. It cuts the heart deeply, and your soul feels it well. At times, people don’t understand. They ask you to move on and live as if nothing happened. But those who are grieving know it won’t be this easy. Grief is our new friend. As our mothers’ passing is eternal, so too is the grief we carry — a lasting ache that remains with us on this side of life. It will stay forever. Maybe one day, we will learn to accept its essence as we live with it every day. Perhaps we will shake hands with grief better than we do today. Because today, we are still learning to live with it.
It’s been barely two months since my mom passed away. Everything still feels so fresh, so unimaginable. I find myself thinking ahead — birthdays, Christmas, New Year’s, and all the milestones that God may allow us to experience. And it breaks my heart to realize that she won’t be there. We won’t get to share those beautiful moments with her anymore.
My mother left this life far too soon — she said goodbye to us, to the life we shared, and to the days that were still ahead.
The pain of that goodbye is deep. It feels like I’m stuck in a place I never asked to be. And yet, life continues. I’m not walking forward — I’m being dragged by time.
But I hold onto something someone once said: “As each day unfolds, you’ll see less of the shadows and more of the sun.”
Right now, the shadows are still vivid and clear. But I believe — I choose to believe — that a day will come when the light begins to break through. The sun will rise a little higher. The shadows will fade, slowly but surely.
By God’s grace, healing will come — not only for me, but for my whole family. One day at a time.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-7
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
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