Nothing hurts the most than losing a loved one. Death is a familiar word that I keep talking about, yet it’s different when it hits personally. A few days ago, we lost our beloved mother. It felt surreal. It came as a shock, at least to our family. I know death comes to all. I am aware that it can happen to anyone at any time. It almost happened to me. But it’s different when death comes from our own family. There is an overwhelming sadness and sorrow that only the family feels.
The reality is when we bury our dead, to the world, it’s done. People might empathize and express their sadness, but this will be over. Soon, people forget. Not with the family. Not with the husband nor with the children. The moment we go home, the house feels empty. It will never be the same again. We start the process of grieving, that we don’t know if it still ends. But we start to see beyond what is now and envision ourselves to be in the healing phase.
I know my mother was a Christian, and that I should not mourn because I knew she is in a better place now. I rejoice in that. But that’s not what grieves me. It’s the thought that I will never hear her voice again – I will never hold her anymore – or tell my stories to her – or just silently being confident that no matter what happens, I can go home with her in the house. This makes my heart ache. As for my grief, it comes randomly. I find it in waves. There are moments when I cry just thinking of her with my “what ifs.” Then it would stop. I can feel the sharp pain that pricks my heart now and then.
The process of grieving is not the same with each person. Some might easily let go, while others struggle to do so. Nonetheless, we have to face our grieving, so one day, even though the memories remain, we find healing by letting go and accepting that life happens, death is real, and we have to continue with life. We have to rebuild our lives after losing our loved one. This is not easy because as days pass by, we feel stuck in the memories of the person we loved, at the same time, the thought of things that can never be undone will bring us to the reality that we have to move on without her.
I believe that when we suffer the loss of a loved one, grief will always be around, no matter how much time passes. But as we move on with our lives, we slowly become “used to” that person not being around. We outgrow our grief over time until we gradually come to terms with the pain and become numb. We still miss the person, though, in time, as memories fade, so will the heartache. But this is not too soon.
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