Expectations are part of our every day lives. Most often than not, our failed expectations towards something or people will drive us crazy if we cannot deal with them in a way that glorifies the Lord. Our expectations may come from previous experiences both negative and positive, our own personal standards and preferences, and perspective with how others behave in a certain situation or happening. We may expect friend or co-worker to behave in a certain way. We expect fellow believers to do this and that. Even that woman in the store, we expect her to act in a specific way.
Unmet expectations come in many forms. It is not only pertaining to people. For example, one Saturday, I decided to cook for pasta because that’s one of my favourite food. I tried to cook and followed the recipe in YouTube. I prepared all the ingredients I needed and started following the steps. In the end, I was disappointed because even though I followed the process, still, it did not taste the way I imagined it to be. I got frustrated and told myself, “Ann, you can never cook well.” Coffee. I like coffee as well. And there are times when I grab my morning coffee that I end up frustrated with either how I make it or the cup of coffee I buy from a café. See? Every day, we have unmet expectations. And, failed expectations cause us to be angry, disappointed, frustrated, and sometimes, be stressed out.
Those of us who have certain expectations that are not met, we have to learn how to manage them in a Biblical way in order to save ourselves some pain.
Life is indeed like that! We are not living in a perfect world with perfect people. So, disappointments and failed expectations are part of life. If we are not able to deal with these properly, it can lead to anger, disgust, and even resentment. If we don’t expect something or someone to be like this and that, then we would not experience disappointments. But because we have these preconceived expectations of what is acceptable and not, we feel that way.
How can we manage them in a Christian-like manner?
I am a person who has so many expectations about how a certain thing should or how someone should behave in a certain way. To tell you honestly, I always get disappointed and I always end up raising my eye brows. But God is constantly teaching me to swerve my perspective in the spiritual realm instead of the natural one. I am not saying that we should not have expectations at all nor standards so that we won’t feel disappointed. All I am saying is this – accept that this thing as one of life’s inevitable(s).
- PRAY (and tell our disappointments to God). In the book of Psalms, we read how David and the other Psalmists poured out their hearts to the Lord in times of distress, trials, disappointments, frustration, and anger. We, too can relay our hearts content to the Lord.
I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. Psalm 118:5
God is always willing to listen to our lamentations and griefs. The best thing about pouring our hearts to Him is that we will never be betrayed nor our secrets be spilled out. Our thoughts are safe in His hands.
2. CONFESS AND ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. Might be that our standards and personal preferences are too high. Thus, we should not expect others to be the same as you and me. If God convicts us in this area, resort to the right thing immediately- confess.1 John 1:9 I think is the most familiar verse for us when it comes to confession. And we know, that God’s mercy and grace always make us righteous in His sight again.
I acknowledge my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the Lord; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah. Psalm 32:5
Confessing and asking for forgiveness bring restoration and healing while hardening our hearts with sin leads to destruction.
3. TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR UNMET EXPECTATIONS WITHOUT BEING DEFENSIVE. It is okay to express our disappointment towards something or someone but we do it in love and humility. However, we don’t become defensive which leads to arguments and conflicts. Remember the goal to pursue peace with all men. And pray together. What I have really learned during these difficult moments of confrontation is to aim for the best for both and save the friendship more than our pride.
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
4. EXTEND GRACE (as how God gives so much grace to us). Let us be refreshed again with the word grace. Grace is something we don’t deserve but God freely gives us. We see how His grace functions in our daily lives, don’t we? In the same way, we need to widen our understanding with people. We do not know what they are going through. We do not know their struggles. No matter how hard it is to deal with those people and happenings which cause us to fail our expectations, we must extend grace. Grace as how God lavishes us with His, we owe it to people. This, I guess would be easier for us to somehow, align our expectations with theirs.
But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Ephesians 4:7
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. James 4:6
All of us are recipient of God’s grace. Now it becomes clearer why we need to extend that grace to people. Because we know that at some point, we have come to realize that the grace of God that we personally experience compels us to love Him more. And if we love Him, we will love His people, too. Who knows, we can be an agent of change in someone else’s life by being loving instead of condemning, being understanding instead of judging, and being gracious instead of being right.
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