Losing someone dear and close to us (probably) is the most devastating and painful experience that we could ever go through in life. We lose someone we love in situations like divorce, miscarriage, betrayal, relational separation, and the most painful is death. Sometimes, it will just come so sudden that we feel unprepared. And, this happens not only once. As we experience our loss, we will face pain and hurt deep inside our hearts. We go through emotional instability. But life must go on, as what they say. We always have a choice – to let go and keep on pursuing the journey where God place us or wallow in bitterness and anger and stop moving.
Many years ago, I lost my beloved brother. Then my grandmother. Then my two grandfathers. And just recently, my uncle. Death is such a cruel visitor that no one can resist. I remembered how at a very young age, I lost my brother. I felt so much pain in my heart. Thank God, I survived the pain. I grieved, and sorrow became a part of me.
Not only that I lost love ones. I also lost close friends due to relational issues. Still, I had to go through painful steps of healing. Do you know what I gained from all those losses? I became stronger and more resilient to face the brutality of life. Those moments that I think I could not move on any more, were the times where I saw God the most.
I always believed that there’s a reason and a purpose in everything. The hurt and brokenness that we feel inside are not just something that life brings. They are there to help us grow. They are existent to make us firm to face life’s challenges. In God, we have to be tested to try our faith and our trust in Him during our lowest points and crossroads.
When I lost my brother, I was not a Christian yet. I had to go through the pain alone. And the recent death of my uncle makes me realized that even though I grieved inside, now that I am already a Christian, there’s someone who sits beside me – who grieves with me – who feels the crushing agony of my heart – He is Jesus.
The more we experience hardship and trials in life, the more we appreciate life from a different perspective. And that perspective is looking through the lens of God who calls us to respond in a different way – away from the world.
What have I learned so far?
1. Make every moment count. No one can boast about tomorrow. No one knows about tomorrow. The only sure thing is now (Proverbs 27:1). Life is short and when we come to the point of understanding the deeper sense of life, we will be awakened to the reality of making the most out of our lives. It does not mean that we squander it, but make it count not only here on Earth but most of all, in Heaven. Life is meant to be spent as a preparation for the home that we have in Heaven. Never live a life of regret.Always do what is right. So, when one day, when our time comes, we will look back with a smile saying, “I live my life to the fullest.”
2. Show our love and gratitude to our family (loved ones), friends, and people in our lives. The people around us are God-given treasure and gifts. They are all more important than everything else. When my grandfather died, I cried in my heart so much. I know that I was not able to minister to him and that I was not able to show my love and gratitude to him because I was busy chasing my dreams. When I went home for the last time to see him, I could not talk with him any more. That’s one of my greatest regrets in life. Yet it left me a precious lesson to prioritize my family more than anything else.
Love is such a difficult thing to do without the power of the Lord. Whenever I come across 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter of love, I could not help but ask myself, “Am I loving others the way God wants me to love?” And I always realize, I am not. I still need to improve on this area by God’s grace.
Our family, no matter how imperfect it is, still our family. God gave them to us to love and cherish them for His glory. It always pays off showing our love and gratitude.
“Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life.” Lisa Weedn
The time that we spend with them is our greatest treasure. We don’t hold their lives, so do our own . Love them as long as we still have time to make them feel how we value and appreciate them.
3. Healing is a process. When we go through the pain and decide to move on, that’s not the endpoint. It is just the starting point. We still need to go through the process. I remember when my brother died, for years, I still felt pain. His memories still come rushing in suddenly. I cried. I had to accept that he would not be coming back. That I won’t be able to see him any more. Until such time that I became used to it. Now, his memories are still in my heart. But there’s no more pain inside. Only the vision that one day, I will see Him in heaven.
Healing is a process and we have to go through it. There’s no need to rush. But as we walk through the healing process, we have to learn to depend on the Lord to help us heal completely. There are times that the healing process comes with forgiveness. So, it does not happen overnight. It’s just that, we have to decide that we will let go, move, on, and forgive. That’s where the healing starts.
4. Never run away from pain and healing. We need to face and resolve it by God’s grace.
God invites us to come to Him because He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28-30). No matter where we are and what we go through, we can always rest in the Lord. It is not healthy to place our pain and hurt under the rug. If pain and healing are not dealt with properly, it will always resurface. Learn to come to it face to face and ask God’s enabling power to help us heal with sincerity of heart. Never run away from it. We will never feel peace trying to go against it.
Always remember that every pain, every struggle, every trial, every brokenness that we feel and encounter is an opportunity to depend on God and see His mighty hand reaching us and help us rise above these life’s challenges. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen”. Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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