“It’s a hopeless case.”
These words were uttered in desperation.
I said those words three years ago when I was diagnosed with tumors in my thyroid. I thought that I was already at the end of the road. There’s no more left nor right to turn to. I cried in anguish as I imagined my life. First time in my decade of existence, I experienced extreme fears. My mind could not contain the sad reality that struck me. “Me?” The one who could not be tamed had fallen. It was just yesterday, I felt so invincible. I felt that everything was unveiling the way I wanted them to be. I was so high. Then suddenly, my world was turned upside down because of my prognosis. Could I do anything now?
Life can change in an instant. I knew that even before. I had not aware of its gravity until that day that I talked to my doctor.
Fast forward, that was almost four years ago. By God’s grace, I am still alive. Whenever I look back to that fateful day, I could not help but ponder on God’s will and plan for me. I had never imagined that the day I thought I would just wait until I die was the same day that God put me in the path where He wanted me for such a long time. Of course, these realizations just came in after years of constantly seeking Him. And those moments that had passed by were all momentous.
The first few months of being sick seemed forever. I was restrained to work (which I love to do). I did not have a choice but to stay home and meditate and ask God to help me see Him amidst my situation. There were always depressing moments as I was learning to accept my “new normal.” I had prepared myself to live a life in the hospital. That I would always be home. That doctor’s appointment would be my routine now and then.
But God’s plan is unfathomable. He leads us to a road where we are constrained. This is not to punish us, but because He wants to straighten out our lives for Him. God’s mercy abounds. I love how Habakkuk saw God, even in a very depressing moment.
“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
His love and mercy never fail. Our eternal and unfailing hope is found only in Him.
We often hear that “whom God wants to use mightily; He will break him deeply.” My condition let me see God in a new way. My perspective was changed. This situation that I have right now teaches me to humble myself and depend on God more and more. Tomorrow is not guaranteed and God showed how I should value every moment of my life. I thought that I would forever live a messy and broken life. Yet as I walk by faith daily, this seemingly messy and broken life is valuable when I lay it down in my Master’s feet.
When it feels like things are not getting better, we have the options: to rely on ourselves or to be still and let God iron out everything for us.
HUMILITY. It is the start of everything. If God wants to use us mightily, he breaks us deeply. But before that, He wants us to humble ourselves before Him. You know why? Because even just a little pride in us can keep us away from our close walk with Him. Once the wall of pride has broken down, God can accomplish His purpose in us.
OBEDIENCE. I believe that God won’t give someone vague instructions to follow. It will always be clear. However, there are times that we resist His instructions. Instead, we follow our instinct. When God gives us instructions, we need to make sure that we listen and obey. Once we obey, then we will see His blessings. I always believe that obedience comes first before blessings.
Stories from the Old Testament show how clear and detailed God’s instructions. Noah built an ark according to the detailed plan of the Lord. David defeated his enemies because he relied on God’s instructions. Joshua conquered land because he obeyed God’s instruction.
Yet sometimes, we become like Jonah. We know how his story went. God instructed him to go to Nineveh but he thought that he should go to Tarshish. This resulted to chaos. So, when God instructs us something, unless we follow its details, we will never be blessed and at peace.
BE STEADY AND LISTEN TO HIS STILL SMALL VOICE. When things start to go crazy, we tend to worry. We become restless and we tend to plan ahead of Him. We are shaken and we often resort to patch things up instead of fixing it permanently. Patching things up won’t do any better. It will just add up to what’s need to be fix. This is the beauty of being still and wait patiently on God. He can mend no matter how broken something or someone is. Be steady and draw close to Him. When our hearts are unshakeable, then we can hear His still small voice.
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.” James 4:8
When things feel like they are not getting better, pause. Let our hearts trust and wait quietly on Him. He will never lead us to harm but will give us an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11). In Him, there is always hope.
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